Groove is in the Heart

stuff

xindaspotlitex@aol.com — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 23:31:44 GMT

udate:
boyfriend application worked (angel thanks for the application)
happy as can be now that things are official with nick (after 8 months) but im a little nervous about how things are gonna go. taken it aday at a time and things have been great.
new necklace= super cute and very exciting.never gotten jewlery. let alone for no reason. cutest juicy heart ive ever seen. i dont think he realized how much i loved it.

school is great as well. im kinda nervous about how simple things have been. i feel like im slacking though...this week i need to step my game up, talk to an advisor, get on my buisness so that i can start thinkin about grad school. no stress.

sorority life is AMAZING. i love livin in the house- its made it so easy to get close to everyone and i finally feel a part of.

balancing sorority life, school, boyfriend, outside friends, family, etc is kinda hard but i guess thats what its about.

2 in 1 day! wow

xindaspotlitex@aol.com — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 00:07:28 GMT

i'm going back to boxing
i have never been so happy
my ass kicking starts monday.

tomorrow

xindaspotlitex@aol.com — Tue, 29 May 2007 01:00:23 GMT

tomorrow could be the beginning of a very new phase in my life.
ive made an adult decision to grow up and start taking care of myself.
im accepting flaws and mistakes and am vowing to continue trying even amidst my failures.

it's weird looking back on a year that went by so fast and changed me so much-
to think i was leaving around this time last year for FSU with a boyfriend and a group of friends and a mother and a father and values and ideas and beliefs - to think that within that year i lost the friends and relationships i did including the one with my father and boyfriend- to think how my beliefs and ideas and values have changed- it just teaches me more that i am constantly growing and changing and so will the world around me.

I want to start chonicling more the way i feel and the actions im taking to better myself- i'm promising myself that within the next 30 days i will be a changed person and i also plan on helping others.

When im ready to open up to some friends that i havent been so open with i will do so- for now i guess im remaining kinda vague. but i am expecting a better me- a HAPPIER HEALTHIER me.

i feel like so many people know so much about me that is just a memory of my old self and old mistakes and old habbits and now seeing old friends (and making new ones) i want to spill everything in the world that has changed me and everything that has been going on with me- but im not exactly sure of thats the right thing- or if im even ready to open up that much. i dont even know anymore if old friends still are friends or who i really fit in with (and thats not necessarily negative) it just means i've changed and not quite sure where i fit anymore

it's more of a feeling of a comming change- i'm getting selfish and starting to take care of my own needs- i've been really neglectful with myself and came pretty close to hitting rock bottom face first. Now taking my first baby steps back up i'm starting to feel like theres hope for better things (and before i didnt have that hope)

i sincerely hope that these changes will only cause a positive change in my life and the people around me and i'm thankful to those who have already starting positively responding to my changes.

i just realized im 19 (soon to be 20) and i can no longer say i'll do something "when im older" or "when i grow up" because its happening fast and i want to start to lead the lifestyle that will bring me to all the postitive things i imagine for myself.

i'm gonna be great. it may get a little worse before it gets better- but im gonna be great.

too little too late

xindaspotlitex@aol.com — Mon, 14 May 2007 20:51:58 GMT

"Its just one of those days
When you don't wanna wake up
Everything is fucked
Everybody sux
You don't really know why
But you want justify
Rippin' someone's head off
No human contact
And if you interact
Your life is on contract
Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker
It's just one of those days"
- Limp Bizkit

who ever thought id quote fred durst.

fuck this

xindaspotlitex@aol.com — Tue, 01 May 2007 13:54:16 GMT

i just walked in from being away from my first year at college

ALL my shit it on my bed for me to go through (its been sitting there since i left)

my mom gets on my ass IMMEDIATELY over ABSOLUTELY NOTHING (i havent been home for 3 minutes what could i have POSSIBLEY done wrong)

I tell her im moving the fuck out.

i call darque tan to get my job back and there's a new manager who just hired 3 new people so I HAVE NO DAY JOB

calling Dubliner tonight to see if i can get that job
crashing at Kris's for a few days

i dont have many options right now but my aunt & uncle in North Carolina offered me a place to stay for some of the summer and a job at my uncles restauraunt hosting

I don't know what that FUCK im doing but it's not staying here for 3 months

no friends. no family. no job. no school.
awesome.

hows this for an emotional load

xindaspotlitex@aol.com — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 14:56:22 GMT

i have two finals i have to do well on in STATISTICS and US HISTORY (today and wednesday)

the boy that i've gotten way to involved with came up this whole weekend and distracted me- but now i miss him cause hes gone

my good friend kyle was deployed for iraq this morning

i have to pack my room cause my mom and the rest of my family are comming up on thursday for my brothers graduation from college.

.........i just have to get through wednesday night and then ill be stress free for 3 months

but im still ok

xindaspotlitex@aol.com — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 17:43:01 GMT

its been a year at college and this is for sure the fastest a year has ever gone by
the most that has ever happened within a year happened in this one
i felt the most happy
the most secure
the most together
the most loved and
also have never felt more pain, more insecure, more unorganized, and more alone.
I guess that's all normal for your first year away at college
When i think about all my classes ending i get this weird mix of emotions
im scared to go home and leave the home i made in tally
im so happy to go home cause im kinda sick of tally and so homesick
but its weird not really having a home or a set way of life- i feel like everything changes every semester and who i meet and what i do completely depends on my classes and schedule--its really weird how things change day to day
but i have learned that in college
the only constant is change
and i guess theres really nothing wrong with that
im learning to grow up with myself and it's a really cool experience
this summer is going to be another crazy one i can already tell.

It was an honest mistake

xindaspotlitex@aol.com — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 21:08:54 GMT

So...i go to moes jamming to my rick ross, pick up shivani, and go to cems to pick up my cell phone (cause i left it there cause im a waste case)

so leaving cems i hallucinate (no not literally) that my car is actually a working vehicle that moves when you push the gas pedal....nope...its still a 1994 honda civic dx piece of shit....and now its even more shitty....cause i believed i could make it across a major highway before the cars comming would slam into me...

but they did slam into me

well one did
but she did a good job of it

neither shivani or i had seatbelts on
i hit my head hard on the side of the door, shiv almost went on the window
we spun like 2 times and hit a median.

i got to sit in the back of an ambulance for a bit
and i got a ticket
and i get to pay for their car and mine to be fixed

THANK GOD for amazing friends like shiv cem and jorge who took me back to cems, fed me mac and cheese, helped me get a project in that i had to get done, and let me sleep. jorge also fixed my back bumber so that i can drive my car and hes gonna make my window work too.

yeah so thats that.
i have no money.

The only constant is change.

xindaspotlitex@aol.com — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 09:14:44 GMT

thurs night through tuesday afternoon : )
ahmazing.

i already miss him. frustrating. fun. scary.

work is great
school is great
money is not. i dont know what to do.

i dunno. im tired.

WOW

xindaspotlitex@aol.com — Sun, 11 Feb 2007 17:57:05 GMT

wowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow

WOW.

......................~~wow~~

i.get.it.now but i really dont believe it.
too soon? who the hell knows.

: ) : ) : )

Wow.

people

xindaspotlitex@aol.com — Tue, 06 Feb 2007 04:48:20 GMT

people shock me daily
the things they do the way they act the things they say
hwo irrational people can be
how blind to their own faults and even more blind to their strengths

AND GIRLS. oh fuck being a girl. as beautifully complex as a girl is it is too much sometimes. it is too intense and too intricate and too over whelming. we hate ourselves and know at the same time that were beautiful. we act strong but feel so out of control and weak. we constantly do and say the things we are expected to do and say because that is was we have been domesticated to do. we are the puppets society and i know this sounds feminstic but it is not intended that way at all. and if you read MY journal and don't understand then stop now. click onto facebook or myspace or ebay or youtube.

i watch my friends get hurt and it hurts me. how remarkabley cruel and inhumane some people can be. how judgemental and unsympathetic. how irrationally selfish.

and then there are people in line at einsteins who give a friendly word of advice to two cracked out stressing freshman. or people who pull over onto the side of the road when they see two girls who look stranded. the people who are sympathetic if they cannot be empathetic. the people who restore my faith in people.

im ranting. i dont care.

lately i have been so consumed by so much information i find myself unhealthily nostalgic. nostalgic for any simpler time. it's really so short of a time we have to be completely innocent before we're undoubetly jaded.

i have so many expectations of me that i expect your expectations to be higher. i'm terrified of not meeting my own expectations-how am i to meet yours? or maybe you expect nothing of me. that is a bigger mistake.

or maybe i dont know what im talking about. maybe i havent slept in two days and i am just 19 and feeling all things that i am supposed to. but somehow its different. because not every 19 year old girl knows the things i know. have felt the things ive felt. seen the things ive seen. and most painfully lost the things. the people. the parents. the family. the innocence i have so unwillingly lost.

The following can TAKE A SHIT AND DIE

xindaspotlitex@aol.com — Mon, 05 Feb 2007 08:41:26 GMT

I FUCKING HATE
- the bitch that stole 120 dollars that i worked my ass of for from my purse
- the towing company that towed my car even though i had a valid parking permit and are still ass raping me for 118bucks (i coulda used that 120 right about then)
- the dicks who come to cafe shisha-smoke for 8 hours- make me get 9000 new coals and tip 3 singles and CHANGE
- my ONLINE computer LITERACY course. how does that make sense? they TEACH you to use a computer from the computer you DONT KNOW HOW TO USE.
- statistics. fuck statistics
- history tests (cause i have too many others)
- GORDON RULE CLASSES LIKE MYTHOLOGY and the ESSAY i have to write by friday
- The people who decided 18 year olds should IMMEDIATLY move out of their homes and into COLLEGE and take care of themselves completely when they've NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE
- The people who decided to make COLLEGE COST SO FRIGGIN MUCH.
- money. anything that has to do with me owing money to anything at anytime ever.
- my dad. fuck you.

im pretty sure thats it

nope...theres more

add on hating female hormones
the cost of bronzer
living in dorman hall.
showering in community bathrooms
never having alone time
never having any time
my body
how much my feet hurt
stupid questions
stupid people
and to finish it all off im still pissed that matt's gone.

THANK GOD FOR MY MOTHER.
she told me to breathe and pray and i know deep down shes right and im just throwing one of my typical panic attack stress freakouts

+ i have some of the greatest friends ever
+ nicks comming to visit all week
+ im spending next weekend in merritt island

karmas a fucking bitch and im glad

xindaspotlitex@aol.com — Sun, 04 Feb 2007 15:36:27 GMT

i coulda been in merritt island alllll weekend. orlando too. spending time with some of the people i care about most. and a new edition to that list that im excited to care more about.

BUT i worked my ass off friday form 9pm till 2:30am then from saturday form 3:45 till 10:00pm ish and i made 120 dollars in tips. (thats a lot for a saturday day shift and a dull friday night)

that 120 dollars was my beginning of savings for a trip to india that I WILL save enough money for.

too bad that money is in someone elses pocket.

cause it all got stolen.

We're havin'-havin'-havin', havin' fun but Something- Something tells me I miss someone

xindaspotlitex@aol.com — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 22:05:23 GMT

I like,
Where we are,
When we drive,
In your car.
I like,
Where we are;
Here.

Cause our lips,
Can touch,
And our cheeks,
Can brush.
Our lips,
Can touch;
Here.

Where you are the one, the one that lies close to me.
Whispers "Hello, I've missed you quite terribly."
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly.
That there's no place else I could be but here in your arms.

I like,
Where you sleep,
When you sleep,
Next to me.
I like,
Where you sleep;
Here.

Save Tonight and Fight The Break of Dawn

xindaspotlitex@aol.com — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 16:29:18 GMT

Last night I went to visit the spot where I watched my friend Matt die. (Oct 21, 2006)
Sometimes we jut go back to sit on the highway and smoke cigarettes and cry and laugh and talk or just lay down.
I guess it's something we're never going to get over and it sucks to miss someone so much and know they're not comming back.

I'm super stressed about school and classes
i have a mythology paper due next week
a bunch of tests

A STAT TEST TODAY THAT I WILL FAIL
and i can't figure out my mac based comp lit course at all.

PLUS- this semester is a bit slower than last, and it's freeezing, and I think i'm a little homesick. or maybe just a bit sad?

January 29th was my dads birthday....we have't spoken since end of august. douchebag

BUT...laying on a strip of pavement and knowing how quickly all of my life could be taken away somehow I know everything will be fine.

In other news: In two weeks everything's gonna change. <3
"So I guess I'll see you, I'll see you around
I'm spinning, while falling down
Now you know why I'm begging you to stay

Cause I can't stop it now
It's so amazing how
I know I can't, I could never walk away"

hey there delilah...

xindaspotlitex@aol.com — Tue, 23 Jan 2007 22:24:08 GMT

"my hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me. so wont you kill me. so i die happy. my heart is yours to fill or burst. to break or bury. or wear as jewlery. whichever you prefer."

Its been a frigggggin amazing weekend. Friday-Mon was OUT OF CONTROL. communal living with 15 rowdy boys is fun. being 1 of 4 kick ass girls also very fun.
towedcars.tickets.pickups.dropoffs.atms.laughs.lighters.movies.quotes.songs.burgerking.chasers.felonies.misdemeanors.goodtimes.hardtimes.hippies.freelove.<3

dont really know what to expect but i'm having the best time not knowing.

"we were both 18 and it felt so right. sleeping all day. staying up all night."

cant stop wont stop

xindaspotlitex@aol.com — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 02:29:08 GMT

i almost wrote a big long entry a few days ago....but then i got distracted by all the amazingness that is FSU and didnt write it.....the few days that past (& including the semester before it) were full of a GOD DAMN GOOD TIME (AS USUAL)

in which i learned
boys are adorable. boys play games. (smart)girls see through them. (smarter)girls use them against the boys.
(my girls)and I are friggin genuis.

imma go dancing now.

ALSO

Merrit island last weekend was OUT OF CONTROL!!
riding dirty with mary jane is not a good idea boys..if you do it...you will get a felony.

Car rides with Shivani
are life changing and full of laughs.

Text Messaging
is very expensive and my mom is gonna kill me this month.

the end.
<3 <3 <3

wow.

xindaspotlitex@aol.com — Thu, 04 Jan 2007 22:14:08 GMT

this winter break has been incredible.

mojitos in miami, new years, old friends, new friends, good times, crazy times.

i realized a lot about being home too
and about old friends

ones you thought really meant something can prove to mean absolutely nothing.
at least i have a few less people to call next break.

i'm ready to go back to my little dorm room and be with my sisters and my friends and have another CRAZY semester.

<3

graduation day

xindaspotlitex@aol.com — Fri, 22 Dec 2006 22:43:30 GMT

The past few days have been completely out of control
this break has been absolutely amazing
ive had like 3 hours of sleep in 2 days
house parties.boca bars.hotels.kashmir.riverfront.slims.

for the past two days ive come home when the school bus is picking up the elementary schoolers. i love it.

2006 has been a friggin nuts year thats for damn sure.
i think i've deff. grown the most and expierienced the most change (in a good way) this year.

i actually cant wait for new years because i'm putting all of 2006 behind me completely (not in a bad way but in a moving forward way)

i have a complete new direction for my life. i have freedom to do whatever it is that i want to do and all the resources in the world to do it.

tonight im hanging with mi madre and watching little miss sunshine and then going to d-ray for AYCD at On the Rocks.

X-Mas night im going to Miami to see Rick Ross at Mansion which is pretty much gonna be the highlight of my life

I think 2007 is going to be the best year of my life. i've never been so happy.
sorry to rant but its so easy to do it when your mad or sad but i actually feel like ranting about the fact that all i do in my life is go out with amazing people, laugh, kiss, dance, drink, joke, love, smile, and learn.

i guess im just feeling pretty grateful for all that i have. i lost sight of it all for a while last year but i've got my head on my own shoulders and i'm really enjoying it.

<3

perfection

xindaspotlitex@aol.com — Thu, 21 Dec 2006 14:14:40 GMT

work all day today at darque tan- and im happy about it- i cant wait to get back to it.

last night--incredible.

musical theatre show with all the old seniors- standing up with them was awesome and reuniting as if we had never left.
Sweet tomatoes---always a good time.
tray haters of america unite

angies- so funny how easily we pick up where we left off- even if it was 4 years ago that we had our picture taken in front of a plastic santa. no matter how many new friends i make or how much i grow and change- i cant deny that these awesome people were a huge part of my life for a very important 4 years.

Kashmir.too.much.fun.

minus my money situation everything in my life makes sense.
family life= <3
friends= <3
love life= <3

i'm almost jealous of me. lol

the girls are back in town

xindaspotlitex@aol.com — Tue, 19 Dec 2006 07:48:28 GMT

i miss my roomie and shivani and all of t-nasty

BUUUUTT

being back home is amazing- it feels like i never left- its so funny- all of boca just came back together tonight & it was like it always has been
house party
broken up
hang at the gas station
go to next house party
security called
etc etc
I <3 it

this week is gonna be insane. murpheys tomorrow and slims thursday fo sho.

still debating on the dying of the hair (did get much feedback-thanks ass holes....j/k...)

excited for wednesday too--seeing all the old friends....

wow. so this is being back from college.

WHHHAT

xindaspotlitex@aol.com — Wed, 13 Dec 2006 19:31:00 GMT

sooo....

what do you think.

me with lighter brown hair and some honey/blondeish lowlights kinda jessica alba-ish

???

<3

xindaspotlitex@aol.com — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 06:02:26 GMT

college = amazing

blackouts= not so much
learning that even blacked out you told guys "i have a boyfriend" apon being hit on= a good thing lol

jenni is leaving for london next semester and we wont see her till summer
dee is going back to new mexico
and everyone else back to their respected homes

im gonna miss everything a lot--its weird.

but im also excited to see whats to come

things have been pretty awesome lately.
its cool hows when you put out positivity you get it right back.

i cant leave shivani just yet so im going to jacksonville with her and a bunch of friends to party thurs night
and staying in cocoa beach fri sat sun
and bringing her back to boca mon tues and wed for kashmir

cant.wait.

weve got the dreamers disease

xindaspotlitex@aol.com — Sun, 10 Dec 2006 09:46:52 GMT

i shouldnt be up
i need to study for finals tomorrow

Electric kool-aid

xindaspotlitex@aol.com — Mon, 04 Dec 2006 01:58:31 GMT

i bought a book this weekend

and came to the realization

that i am in fact a hippie.

seriously.